I'm trying to decide whether I'm just overtired, or if hyper-sensitivity
is something I've always had, but is serving to make my current life
that much more difficult.
This business of long-term employees leaving "the nest" has been much harder on me than I would have thought.
Because
we live in a small town, I can't help but casually encounter just about
everyone who ever worked for me. I'd have to never go out and about in
my own home town if I wanted to avoid these meetings. (Not very
practical...but I have to admit, somewhat attractive, at the moment.)
Saturday
afternoon, we had company, and since my own restaurant closes at 3 pm,
we decided to try one of the other local eateries. It's good to keep
tabs on what the competition is up to, anyway. But this particular
place happens to be where one of my lost employees obtained employment
(BEFORE giving me her notice...) I hoped against hope that Ms. Former
Employee would not be at work that day. But I only had to glance
through the glass as we headed for the entrance to understand that was a
vain hope.
She saw us immediately. I smiled, waved.
We
sat in this nearly empty restaurant in the middle of the afternoon, and
Ms. Former Employee did not come any where near us. Avoided us like the
plague. Hid in the back room, I think, when possible.
This girl who shared my Thanksgiving table two years ago, will now not even speak to me.
Who knows? It may not be that she hates me. It may not be that I am the total scum of the earth (which is how I felt.)
It
may be that she was just so uncomfortable about the way we had parted
that she couldn't deal with my presence on any positive level.
I held it together as long as we were at the restaurant. Made believe it didn't bother me. Pretended not to care.
And
when we got home, I excused myself to my bedroom sanctuary...threw
myself on the bed and sobbed like a toddler. Just for a few minutes...
I told my sister I was happy I had never had kids.
Because
if other people's kids could break my heart like this, being rejected
by my own children (and they WILL reject their parents, at some
point...it's part of their job description) would probably kill me.
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